Blogging...what a word for self-expression! I never envisioned myself a writer (although I loved many)...certainly not a person privy to throwing writing to the elements on the electronic highway. I found my writer's voice in an earthquake of spirit and soul. I took what some would consider pathological paths to find the freedom of expression and, once that freedom had been found, I found myself clinging to it as if I was atop a palm tree in a hurricane...that wind can blow it's fiercest but my words will still flow!
Today I am questioning reality, realistic, real...I consider myself a rational person, and yet I still can't grasp what is real. The few things I consider real are only acquired through the 5 senses - when I touch the skin on the cheeks of my children, their cheeks are soft and I know that is real. When I feel a snowflake fall on my nose, it's cold and that's real. When I look at the snowflake closely before it melts from the sleeve of my brown coat, I can see each sharp point working with the next in mathematical clarity to form a structure of unfathomable beauty and I can see that it is real...until it melts and is gone. But, when I look at the face of another person...when I look in the eyes and think I see something there - that is beyond the visual sense to the emotional...and what is real there? I wonder if what seems real to me would seem real to another - seeing the same face, the same eyes - how much do we deem real that truly comes from our own imagination and we believe without knowing, sensing...just with feeling.
Beyond what is real...what is realistic? What is reality? Reality is what is now and only now. Reality is what I see in front of me - this computer with these keys, these words in typewriter script font, these feelings I'm maybe almost translating to words...this empty wine glass that I am about to fill - this is reality, but realistic...that is a different song for each person. Is realistic what I think I can do based on what I have done up to now, or is realistic what I want to do, or is it what I think I could do if I maximized my fullest potential, my fullest dreams...I create a world for myself where reality is now, but realistic - that word doesn't exist...because to be realistic is to restrict expectations to the real of the 5 senses. Being realistic is confining, building of walls of traditional expectation, but also a safe haven when unrealistic expectations seem to bring inevitable pain, disappointment, dissatisfaction. .. and where does emotion fit in reality? Is being emotional and realistic an oxymoron? (Or a moron? - hardly!) My emotion is real to me and only me...what my emotion does to others is real to them and only them...When I try to see the emotion in another - that is where realism is blurred because I sense only what I see, feel, hear, smell...I can't sense what I can't touch, what I can't see, what's hidden. So, is realistic to wait, expect and hope from what is seen... or from what is imagined?... and what is the difference between the what is seen and what is imagined if looking at the emotions of another?
This blog is for that alternate universe of emotion - to put vision and words to my emotion - to what can not be felt, seen, or heard - this is the reality of the hurricane inside my mind and these words are the bridge between the imagination and reality. Are my words realistic? - hopefully not! They are, I hope, the epitome of my emotion and the response in you - that is real.
