It's another night...just like any other night. One, two, three glasses of wine makes the night move with a smoother pace. I wonder as a get another glass what will become of this night. What will become of me? I love to wonder...can spend hours just wondering...
I'm not unhappy today...just kinda floating in life. As if a breeze is moving me rhythmically and I'm a flag on the top of a sailboat. I can feel the emotions whipping me back and forth and I just want to dislodge my self from the line that holds me and let myself float in the wind until I fall to the ocean, then the waves will carry me away.
I want to feel something...anything, just to feel it. I want to feel the bumpy surface of a shell at the beach..the sand moving through my fingers like velvet - or maybe just the softness of velvet itself. I want to feel the jostle of a roller-coaster with the wind jolting my body and whipping my hair in my face. Feeling - the essence of life is feeling.

All aboard?

When depression hits, it's like a train. The clickety-clack rhythmical beat of the wheels on the tracks reminds me of the feeling of depression - the rhythmical waves of despair that flow. It's not like a breeze that happily blow across your sweaty body on a hot day to cool you - it's like a whip, rhythmically beating until you finally crash to the floor. Depression feels like waves of bleak black bare bone - cold, like the rocks.

I have not been to this blog in almost a year, and felt the need to visit again. I'm not sure why - because I'm not sure why the black hole of despair chose to hit me today. I wish I knew why I felt the need to write when I am down. Why not when I'm flying like a kite in the sky?

I think this is all for today - Maybe with more time I can write something to make the world smile...when I feel like smiling again, that is...