Don't let it

I came to the conclusion as I was washing the dishes...I was always treated like dirt because I allowed myself to be treated like dirt...hell, I laid down on the floor begging to be walked on...Is my sweater furry enough like a red carpet? Am I too lumpy...ok, I'll suck in my gut so you won't trip when you are walking on me. Oh, the mud between your toes...let me just take care of that for you. It happened because I let it happen, I let it happen, I let it happen. With my old lovers, I expected to be abandoned so I said nothing when I was abandoned - at least I was right because I caused it. I let it happen every day when I can't make a request even if I was dying...even if I was hanging on the side of a cliff from a branch broken to the width of a twig - instead of screaming for help,I'd let go to tie someone's shoe, falling to the rocks below and maybe taking the poor passerby with me. I let it happen. I let it happen. I used to let it happen, but not anymore. I deserve to be considered special, unusually exciting, important, strong and feared. I deserve to be feared because I am stronger than I seem. I won't let it happen. I won't let it happen. I won't I won't I won't I won't I won't!